change

"the trees are gold and thirsty and they need a little rain...
...nothing would ever happen if we always stayed the same."
~n. nields

I am not usually a person who welcomes change. Change, even when necessary, is painful and uncomfortable and difficult. More often than not, changing one thing (your address, your medication dosage, your toothbrush, your commute) leads to other changes...a chain reaction of sorts. I do not like it.

But right now? I *want* change. I'm longing for change. I know exactly what change(s) I want. I can close my eyes and see the other side. They are changes I welcome...even with all the hassles that come along with them (a move, certification tests, more school, job applications coming out my ears). Half of this change is what I am meant to do, I am confident in that. The other half of the change feels right...it's something I'll regret NOT trying.

The wait is what's defeating me right now. The idea that I could do a whole lot of work to make these changes happen...the changes I believe are the right ones for me...and I could wind up jobless and/or homeless (well, figuratively homeless--I have many places I can stay). I know I need to trust. Trust is hard. Being out of control is hard. Waiting is hard.

Maybe that's the lesson, for lack of a better word. Maybe Sr. Laura was right in 2nd grade--patience is a virtue; one I need to exercise this Lent and this year.